Testing, Testing, 1,2,3...

There are a lot of tests when you are pregnant.  It starts with the one in the picture, but it certainly doesn't end there.  Every time I go the doctor I have to have some test or another, and more often than not I have to go to a separate clinic to have it done, and I have to go "en ayuno" - fasting - so I can't even do it the same day.  I am glad for all the helpful this information this seems to be giving to my doctor(s), but gee maneezy!

It also turns out that we did not have some tests that we might have had were we to have been in the States, or if we had started with our OB earlier than we did.  More specifically, we did not have any of the 11-18 week testing for Down's Syndrome.  As every god-blessed book or website on earth harps on the various worries an over-35 mother should have (not the smallest of those is ever managing to become pregnant, step 1 down) I am very clear that the chances of a Down's baby is higher for me than it might have been if Richard and I had gone through all this earlier.  As it is now, the sonogram and such don't seem to show any worrisome signs, but as with most tests it is not conclusive.  There is a test we could still do that might tell us something (or might not...and the false result rate is pretty high) which Dra. Lucia suggested to us, but we refused.  After all, why?

I mean, don't get me wrong, I am all up for knowing things ahead of time.  And the chance to read ahead, to figure out what (if any) services there are here for a child with special needs would certainly be valuable.  Still, Peanut is going to come however Peanut is going to come, and we are going to deal with that, love that, work that out, etc.  I worry about it sometimes, and I pray about it a lot, but in general I figure that I can't do much and that it is what it is (and will be), so we hope for the best.  

And lately I have worried about plenty of other things that we can't know at all until Peanut progresses all the way on out.  What if Peanut can't see, or hear?  What if Peanut really didn't get enough vegetables (this is likely true), and some internal system didn't get formed so well?  And of course the worst of all possibilities, what if something happens in labor or soon after and Peanut simply doesn't make it?

These things don't take up too much mental space, don't worry, but they are there.  I am sure they are there for everyone, at least in passing, but it remains absolutely stunning how much thoughts like that (especially the last ones) can just stop your heart.  It is amazing how much of an investment you can have in something you can't really see and someone you don't really know.  Perhaps that is one of the reasons people return so often to faith when children come along.  The prayers certainly start with a different intensity when you become responsible for another life, and the idea of a God you can talk to, feel close to, and be invested even though you can't really see her and you don't really know him suddenly doesn't seem so strange.

At any rate, no need to tell me all the reasons things will likely be fine.  I know the stats and I know I have done as well as I know how.  If you do have time, feel free to throw Peanut and family in your prayers though.  We can always use all the help we can get.