Rosalba

Probably you figured out that this is not a real tiger.

We have talked about our trips to the zoo in the past, but this is not so much about the zoo as it is the people with us at the zoo. The photo above is missing Rosalba, who is the link between us, but don't worry, there is a picture of her below.

About a year and a half ago we entered into what is possibly a most typical missionary dilemmas - do you hire someone to help you around the house? We do not have a big apartment, and for a year and a half we managed just fine. Okay, let's be honest - Richard managed just fine as he cleaned and I read him books (best.arrangement.ever). After Nora was born, however, we were feeling a little overwhelmed. We weren't sure what we were doing (and we had not yet acclimated to that perpetual reality), we were dead-dog tired, and we weren't feeling up to the challenge of the daily January dirt dusting that comes with the blessed breezes of the North Coast. In talking through things with someone from the church, she suggested Rosalba just come by and give us a hand one day.

I have never seen a person clean so thoroughly as Rosalba did that day. I have heard tell of people moving furniture to clean before, but I have not really had them take every item out of my kitchen cabinets, wipe down each item along with all the shelves, and replace everything (resulting in fun hide and seek games once she left, but whatever). Perhaps even this seems normal to you, but may I just show you one picture which further underscores my point? That cow (which is our water filter) had spots before Rosalba came. I am not kidding you. Richard painted spots on that cow with what we considered to be permanent marker. That was evidently inaccurate. When she left that day (approximately 10 hours later...) we marveled at how clean our home could be. We relaxed. We walked around barefoot. We went to bed early. We were hooked.

Rosalba

Rosalba usually comes once every 2-3 weeks (or just before our parents come to visit) to get the deep down clean that our (Richard's) sweep and mop doesn't quite cover. Over time we have gotten to be friends. I am finally not just "Señora" with a name too hard to remember. I have heard about her life and she has lived some of mine as she has watched Peanut grow up from 4 months on. I think the first real break was when we invited Rosalba and her two youngest daughters to the Nutter's birthday, getting that same invitation in return to her grandson's first birthday this past February. Every time she comes I make us all breakfast and for lunch she either tries out "an adventure" (read: what we usually eat at home), or I go buy something for us at the corner store that is more immediately recognizable.  Each of her kids has come to our house with her and played with Peanut, to her everlasting delight. We are grateful for their presence in our life.

And yet...because isn't there always an "and yet" to a dilemma?

And yet, Rosalba works for us. Can't get around that. She does not come clean out of the goodness of her heart (why would you do that?), and, apart from the meals we fix, we do not help her out while she is sweeping, wiping, mopping, etc. We have the luxury of paying her to come do what she also has to do at her own house because...well, it is her house. We live fairly simply, yet with a "home computer" and a "work/travel computer" while her kids (she notes) don't even know how to turn one on. We pay her better than she expects to be paid, but again, we can. We took she and her family out to the zoo just to have fun, because we can. 

I am not putting the dilemma forward very clearly I don't think, but it revolves around whether, if you can, you choose to ask someone else to come in and do work that you could do, or not. If not, we would have never met Rosalba or her wonderful kids. Peanut would have a smaller world, whether she knew it or not. And sure, Rosalba and her family would not have the still meager income we provide her twice a month. But because we do are in each other's lives doesn't mean we can pretend that making breakfast or a birthday invitation puts us on equal footing in the world or that other choices we make (or don't) serve to maintain or even widen the gap between us. 

And yet...we will still treasure our trip to the zoo

We are ostriches, can't you tell?

Helping

Peanut is a helper.

Besides being in the monkey-see, monkey-do stage (which has led us to buy her a pint-sized broom, dustpan, and mop and simultaneously curbed our tendency to dump swept up ants out the window...), Peanut really likes doing things we ask of her. We are aaaalllll about taking advantage of this moment as my mother can (and will) attest to its impermanence. The challenge right now is not so much enlisting Peanut's help, as directing it; finding particular ways in which Peanut can be the helper that she is without having to pass her off to Papi while I gather all the hair I have recently pulled out of my own head. 

For what it's worth, here are some of my mental notes:

1. Toddlers (or at least Peanut) like to sweep.

• Toddlers do not actually see the dirt that needs to be swept unless it has been gathered up in a nice pile.
• When dirt is gathered up in a nice pile, it looks like there is a lot of it (and in all fairness there may be...).
• When you move a little broom back and forth through the nice pile, the dirt scatters everywhere.
• When the dirt scatters everywhere, there doesn't look like near so much of it anymore - SCORE!
• Toddler Lesson: Get rid of the big pile to be a helper.
• Mami Lesson: Make a little big pile at one end of the room and then make your big pile at the other. Sweep fast.

2. Toddlers (or at least Peanut) like to help in the kitchen.

• Toddlers have absolutely no concept of what is going on with the whole dish washing thing.
• Toddlers do reallllly like water.
• Given how much time is spent doing it, washing dishes must be the most important job in the house and therefore any toddler must be a part of the action. If this involves forcing one's body between Mami's legs and the sink and grunting/bawling...well, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
• Most of the time (at least with Peanut) the dishes inside the sink are considered mine, while the dishes outside the sink are considered hers.
• After touching a given dish/cup/fork 4.5 times, it must go into the sink - even if Mami has already washed it...twice.
• And, just so we are all clear, holding a spatula is better than not holding a spatula.

3. Toddlers (or at least Peanut) like to put things away. Sort of.

• Okay, so we all know they like dumping things out more, but she does like to do some restoring.
• Asking Peanut to take shoes to a bedroom will buy you 43 seconds of sweeping in the living room unaided.
• Asking Peanut to take shoes to your bedroom is pointless. The will all wind up in her bedroom anyway.
• The first set of shoes generally makes it to the bedroom, and even into the closet.
• The second set of shoes may make it into the bedroom.
• The third set of shoes, if they even get noticed, and if they possibly make it back to the bedroom, will not likely be found for a day or two.
• Downside: Putting shoes away often means bringing shorts or a t-shirt back out. 
• Bright side: you figure the shoes made it to the room.

Peanut Program at Progresar

Our neighbors, the Smiths, are the greatest blessing we could possibly have here in Colombia. They have been family to us and helped us navigate this whole parenting thing in innumerable ways. They have taken us to appointments, brought us the occasional meal, invited us to holiday gatherings, and taken Peanut away from us for a few hours to make all of us better people - to name just a few. We could not be more grateful for all they do for us.

So, you can imagine that we were all ears when Fanny came to ask if we would do her a favor. "¡Con mucho gusto! ¿Cómo te podemos servir?" With pleasure! How can we be of service?

After having worked in a bank for many years, Fanny decided to follow her true passion and go into education. Rather than becoming a teacher, however, Fanny decided to open her own school. It is called "Progress", and is located in the town adjacent to Barranquilla, Soledad. The center has both a pre-school and a primary school and serves a vulnerable population of kids on a shoestring budget. We had been invited to visit a couple of times, and I even gave the reflection at last year's graduation service. The school is Fanny's passion, and she takes it very, very seriously.

"Could you do me a favor? It has to do with the school", she said.

"Oh, sure. What do you need? How can we help?"

"Well, I was just wondering...would you all allow me to use Peanut's name as the name of the program I want to start for the kids to help them develop their values and strengthen them as people?"

"Umm...yeah. Sure. Wow."

"Thank you."

That is what we could do for Fanny. She loves Peanut so much that she wants to make sure that she is remembered whether she is around this place or not. She wants to to have Peanut's name on a program for her kids so that Peanut will always know she was important to her. So no, thank you Fanny. Thank you. 

All in the Family

It takes a village.

I was always a believer in the idea that it takes more than just parents to raise a child, but actually having a child has lit that idea up in neon, underlined it and put flashing arrows all the way around it.  We are lucky and privileged to have had visits from Abuelita Kit, Tía Laura, and Nanny and Granddad all since Peanut joined us.

Abuelita Kit (Mamie's mom) came just three days after Peanut came unshelled.  She dealt with post-partum Mama, got to watch the first bath ever, went to the first pediatrician appointment and watched full screams in action with the first vaccination.  She changed diapers and sat at the window for sun time.  She brought down a ton of stuff including the entire stock of Costco's protein bars, some Combos, Cheerwine, baby stuff galore, and she continues to scheme on how to get North Carolina barbecue into the country.  She will be the most surprised when chubbalicious Nut of the now knocks on her door in December.

 Tía Laura saw a pretty sweet snoozer, but one who was definitely putting on the pounds.  She did a ton of changing and holding as well as calming a hyperventilating  Mama who was worried she had scratched her daugher's eye thus partially blinding her for life (the Legume is fine).  She had the chance to see a little bit of Peanut's hometown, but most of the time she just hung out and shnuzzled on the sweetest and best Williams-side-of-the-family niece in existence.  She will get to introduce Peanut to her kids, the nutty cousins when we visit in January.

Nanny and Granddad (Richard's parents) just left this week, and man we were sad to see them go!  Granddad is an expert sleep inducer with a back of steel and arms like springs.  Nanny is a Jane of all trades who did a little of everything, including taking care of Mami and Papi!  They went on Peanut's first voyage (to Cartagena), lived through the ups and downs of a 5-6 week old, and caught the first real smiles being given away.  We even got to spend Nanny's birthday with her.  It was a treat!  They are glad to have  a January visit on the books, but are a little nervous about when they get to see her after that!

 Now it seems real life begins and we are really on our own.  So far we are making it, but dang I enjoyed my village!  Thanks to all of you for taking the time, spending the money, and spreading the love to us and to the newest family nut.

(PS. We look forward to seeing GIT, Libby, Rob and Jean in December as well.  You all are in for quite a treat!)

Moving to Finland

Okay, so it is possible that we are not moving to Finland.  It is also possible that if I actually consider moving to Finland you all should quickly remind me that I have lamented our tendency to swing between regions with extreme temperatures rather than settling down in a nice, temperate zone.  However, Finland does have some pretty nice maternity/paternity/baby deals.

For instance, if you are a mom-to-be, you have the right to go on maternity live 50 days before your due date (at the earliest) and you have a maternity allowance paid to you for the first 105 days after your baby is born (not including Sundays or holidays - and if your employer pays you while you are on leave then the government pays your employer the maternity allowance).  The allowance is based on your salary, but there is a minimum, and if you were a student and not working or were not employed then you get the allowance (minimum) all the same.  Now, I have no idea how much it costs to live in Finland, but I still ascribe to the theory that some money is better than no money - can I get a witness?

On top of these benefits, I was amazed to see that every Finnish family-to-be (by birth or adoption) gets a pretty kicking "maternity package."  While the snowsuit, hat, and insulated mittens and booties might not be as critical here in Colombia, the balaclava would fit right in (in its own way...) and the onesies and jumpers and mattress/cover/sheets (and more) would be grand.  I would add a sun hat, sunscreen, and earplugs for overly amplified church services, but a little tweak here, a little tweak there and it still seems like a very good deal.  The package is valued at about 275 Euros (around $362 USD and $663,233 COP), so it is clearly nothing to sneeze at.  And if you do sneeze, you can use the included muslin squares to wipe your nose afterward.

It seems they thought of everything...

(PS. The real "mother/parent-lode" seems to be in Sweden where you get 480 days - that is 16 months - of leave with 80% of your salary for the first 390 days and the remaining 90 days at a flat rate.  A minimum of 60 days of this leave must be shared with dad, but you can divide it up however you wish.  Okay, so Sweden anyone?)

Barriga Benefits

In Colombia one's belly is called your "barriga" (bah-REE-gah).  Some days I get asked how the baby is doing (a question I rarely know how to answer), but other days I just get comments on how my barriga is growing.  There still isn't a lot to look at.  I continue to wait for the day in which it will "pop" because most folks do not believe that I am five and a half months pregnant right now.  I keep assuring them that the sonogram has clearly shown two arms, two legs, a head - generally all the right parts - but they still look at me a little sideways and wonder whether I really know how to count.

However, I definitely do have a slightly more noticeable belly than before (though one that many in the States would still fear to take note of on the off-chance I am not actually pregnant), and having that belly clearly has its benefits.  Here, with no trouble at all, I can skip metal detectors (at the airport for instance) with one word "embarazada" (em-bar-ah-SAH-dah - or pregnant).  Two days ago in Bogotá I needed to use the restroom in a bookstore that has staff-only bathrooms.  However after asking a clerk and motioning ever so slightly to the barriga, I got a quick nod as she scurried off for the key.  If I am tired, I get an automatic get-out-of-whatever-free card, and if there is an extra serving of just about anything then it is offered to me first (like it...or not...).

Though nothing to shout about, we will now offer you what you have been clambering for...belly shots. 

From Collages

Happy now?  :)